Doing nothing is a human need

I can feel that my period will start tomorrow. After six hours of sleep, I feel tired and weak. Today, I woke up annoyed with everyone and everything. A strong feeling of not wanting to do anything. The thought of any activity fills me with resistance.

I sit in therapy, bringing awareness to this feeling. After the session, I lie down with a clear intention—to allow myself exactly what I feel the strongest. And suddenly, a wave of relief washes over me. I'm not forcing myself into anything. When I realize this, I ask myself: "So why not just do it? Why not allow it?" So I just lie there, doing nothing… And then comes deep sleep. A solid two hours in the middle of the day. 

And then it hits me—I just need to listen to myself.When I don't feel like doing anything, it's not failure! It's not an obstacle to productivity! It's a natural need, just like eating or sleeping. The need for doing nothing is just as legitimate as any other need and deserves to be fulfilled. 

After sleeping, I continue listening to myself and truly don't force anything. I begin to understand why I feel so much anger in the luteal phase of my cycle. It's the time when my body and mind crave rest—and anger arises when I don't allow it. When I push past my own limits. 

By evening, I already feel sleepy at 8 PM. I crawl into bed and give myself space again, even though my mind protests: "This is wasted time!" I observe this inner struggle, and as soon as I let go, I start to feel tension in my body. Then pressure in my chest. I breathe into it, trying to dissolve it, but this time, it won't go away. The wave gets stronger. 

A thousand times, I feel the urge to jump up, grab my phone, and lose myself in endless scrolling. Or go eat something. But I know that truth is what I choose to believe.

If I tell myself, "This is unbearable," then it really will be.

If I tell myself, "I can release this right now," then that will be true too.  

And what do I want? I want to release it.But it's so strong that I feel like I'm going crazy.

Then suddenly, I think to say: "I won't leave you alone in this. I will stay with you." And in that moment, an overwhelming sense of relief washes over me. 

I realize that all this time, I've been trying to escape. I wanted to get rid of the feeling instead of truly accepting it. True allowing comes with the decision not to abandon myself. To stay with myself through it all. And the tension dissolves. 

More waves come, but every time, I remind myself of my intention—to stay with myself. And each time, the tension fades away. 

And then it happens. The joy of realization. "Aha, so this is what it feels like to be present in the moment." And all because I allowed myself to feel exactly what I was feeling. Because I didn't let my ego drag me into the belief that I should be doing something "useful" instead. 

Only in this moment do I truly understand what it's all about. What I had only read about before. I feel it. It's like breathing and truly living. And in this space, I finally feel whole. At home. Enough. Safe. 

"Have you always been focused on performance, but now you're searching for your way back to yourself? I'd love to be your guide! Send me a message. "